Antz
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What got me started this time was when my older son gave me the harsh word. He saw an ad on TV to stop smoking and for some strange reason he just turned around and said ‘Mummy, you shouldn’t be smoking anymore.’ And I’m like, ‘Why?’ and he said ‘Because I don’t want you and Granddad to die.’ And it was sort of like, ‘Oh yeah, that’s a bit scary’, because my partner smokes as well.
I said ‘Well, why don’t you growl at your Granddad and your Daddy?’ And he said ‘No, its you, Mum.’ So I quite took it to the heart. We were just sitting there watching TV, but I had to go outside, after he said that. It was him saying that. It got to me.
I smoked with both boys, when I was carrying. They both turned out fine, but I didn’t like getting people’s reactions when I was out. I used to hide behind my partner for a sneaky puff at the plaza. I don’t want to hide. The last thing I want is to walk across the plaza and have people think ‘There goes that Maori woman smoking with an unborn child.’ I got these weird vibes.
Last year I was pregnant, but I miscarried. That sort of took a toll on me as well. I don’t blame myself for the miscarriage. But I thought ‘Oh, stuff it.’ and that’s when I called Smokechange. She sent me out the patches and gum, but I never took them. I said ‘Nah. I’m going to do it the hard way.’ Thought I’d just do the ‘cold turkey’ style..
The first two weeks were hell. My dad would come in and go for a smoke. I had to have something in my hands, so I played on my phone. Crosswords helped, too. Then my friend called and asked if I wanted to play netball. Ever since I’ve been playing netball, it just hasn’t dawned on me to smoke. I’m just enjoying the air and my breathing is really good.
The first game of netball I could feel my chest getting tight, a real pain, but I took my time and kept playing. It started to come right. After a while, I found I could run faster and not have to lean over to catch my breath. Then I wanted to power walk everywhere! I just wanted to walk. I felt a lot more energetic.
When I’d smoke, I’d get up and the first thing I’d do was have a cigarette. The first time I’d eat would be at lunch or just after. Now I get up and have breakfast and three course meals. I just jump out of bed and it’s ‘Come on kids, lets go.’
I feel much better than when I was smoking. I’m not the same person. Now I’m chatty, I’ve got more to say. When I was smoking I found it hard to have a conversation because I would run out of breath.
My children, they’ve noticed that I get on the floor and play cards with them. Before I’d just sit there and just watch them, and they’d say ‘Can you come and play?’ and I’d say ‘Na.’ because I’d just had a cigarette and you don’t want them smelling it on you. Now I’m taking them down the park and running around with them. That’s what they like. Now we make it a Sunday thing so they always look forward to Sundays. But if it rains, we’ll just find something here to do, or just mess the house up, make huts.
Usually I’d just sit there and have a cigarette and just watch them instead of mingling with them. It’s good that both me and my partner are playing with our children ’cause before we’d say ‘Go and play in your room. Mummy and Daddy are watching TV.’ That was like pushing them aside. Or, we’ll be outside having a smoke and they’ll be trying to come out and talk to us, and we’re like ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah.’
I’ve been smokefree for a year now. Thinking about my baby and what my son said to me last year helps. That was really daunting for me and I wanted to have a little cry. I was shocked my boy would say that to me, and feel that. They see the person dying on TV and then think ‘That could be my Mummy or Daddy.’ It was my son that made me try and give up. I didn’t want him looking at me thinking ‘My Mummy might die.’
I feel happy. I feel really good, eh. I can breathe nicely, have a good conversation without running out of breath, feel healthy. I like having a clear mind, not in smoke. It’s weird not having tar in my system, good weird. And my fingers are not reeking of smoke. I enjoy being clean, smelling fresh.
My kids love it. They expect me to chase them around the house. Last month my younger one just came out with ‘It’s good you’re not smoking, Mummy because the baby can grow.’ and I said, “Yeah, I know, darling.’ That was a good comment.
We had a smokefree gathering a couple of months ago for my birthday. Because all my family smokes, I suggested it and they did it. We were all in the back yard and you could tell they wanted a smoke, but what’s five hours without one? You could tell they were really trying. That was quite out of it. They said, ‘We’re supporting you ’cause you really wanted to give up smoking, now that you’re pregnant.’ They hung in there for me.
My nine year old will ask me ‘Do you want a smoke, Mum?’ and it’s like “Nah. It’s bad enough watching your father and grandfather having one.’ He’s checking to see if I would break, that I’m still OK to be smokefree. He’s really clued up that one, can’t hide anything from him.
A lot of people think ‘There’s the Maoris again, all they do is smoke, hang out at the pubs”. I hate being put down as another Maori like that. We’re not all like that.
Antz's Closing Words
Be the one to start something. I’m starting something now so, hopefully, someone will follow. I pat myself on the back sometimes to say ‘Wow! I came this far.’ I reckon it’s the children that will make you stop, or try to.