Terry

Terry is the father of three children. A midwife’s offer of support prompted him to become smokefree during his wife’s third pregnancy.

My story started when our midwife mentioned Smokechange. Over the previous six months it felt like no matter how much I smoked, it wasn’t satisfying the habit. 

I had two young kids and felt a bit guilty. I’d wake up in the morning, smoke a cigarette, then ten minutes later have another one.  I was fairly rapidly turning into a chain smoker. I couldn’t think why. It wasn’t stress. Things hadn’t all of a sudden become worse. Something about smoking changed despite no change around me.

So, I’d been thinking about giving up for a while. I had tried before, but my heart was never in it. Back then, it felt like I wasn’t really ruled by smoking. I smoked twenty a day, fifteen years ago, but even then I never felt a slave to it or like an addict.

When my wife, Rachel, was three months pregnant with our third child, I was smoking half a dozen within an hour of getting out of bed. I thought ‘This is ridiculous’ you know? It was just getting crazy. I don’t think it was related to the pregnancy. I was looking forward to our third baby. That was a nice thing.

The midwife brought it up in conversation. She said ‘I can refer you to these people’ and I thought ‘Oh good, I’ve been thinking about having a proper go at giving up smoking.’ I’d looked at the patches and thought ‘I can’t afford it.’ I had no real financial problem with smoking ‘cause I was doing it on the cheap, getting duty-free bulk roll-ups.

Looking at the price of patches, I thought ‘Can I actually afford them? No.’  So, I was glad when the midwife suggested Smokechange. I thought ‘I can get patches for five dollars a monthand a phone call from someone once a week.’ A weeks worth of patches was more than a weeks worth of smoking for me, then.

It helped that our midwife made the offer to me. As a father, I felt included in the thinkings of health professionals. And it was nice to talk to someone about what it’s like, just to talk about smoking. Overriding both those things, patches and support, was the fact that I wanted to give up. That was the main thing. I was ready to give it up.

My father-in-law died early, at fifty-nine, and my grandmother at sixty. Both smoked. Once you grow up a bit you think ‘That’s only about twenty years away for me if I keep on at this rate.’ I think this third baby finally made me realise. I set myself a target - to be around for his fortieth birthday. By then I’d be seventy-six.
I did try to give up after our second child, three years ago. With our first one I was thinking ‘This is such a bad time to stop.’ But with the second one I did think it was a good time. And I got down to about six or seven a day, but it just creeps up. I think you either smoke or you don’t.

Now with our third baby, I’ve just grown up a bit. I feel a bit older than I did when I was thirty-one. I’m more mature and realistic about my life. Before I know it I’ll be fifty. All the things I’ve ever wanted are now clicking into place. I’ve got the family I wanted, two girls and a boy. I’ve emigrated to a beautiful country. I’m happy. Smoking was like a fly in the ointment. I was sick of it, sick of smoking. It was going against the grain.

I don’t want to be one of these dads that pops out for a few puffs and comes back stinking of fags. When you’re handling a baby you don’t want to stink. It’s pretty disgusting. I was tucking in one of my girls one night and she said ‘Daddy you stink of fire’.

Smoking just doesn’t do what you want it to do. At the end of the day, it doesn’t do anything. All it does is stop you feeling grotty. There’s no obvious benefit to nicotine. It just stops you being an irritable, sleep deprived maniac! That’s not OK when you’re the boss and you need to have some level of sanity. But take smoking out of your life and you feel like everybody else does – normal. Smoking never felt that relevant anyway.

Back in England most of my friends smoked. When you’re down the pub, smoking naturally follows. Coming over here broke that lifestyle. Now I know lots of people who don’t smoke, so that helps. It makes you feel a bit daft if you’re at a barbecue or something and you’re the only one smoking. I’d go for a smoke before people had finished eating. It was getting a bit embarrassing for Rachel.

How did I get to here – three months smokefree? Patches give you a big psychological crutch. Because you know you’re getting the drugs, you’ve got that motivation. The first couple of weeks were not too hard, easy in fact, ‘cause I was determined. I was getting bad nightmares though, ‘cause I wasn’t taking the patches off at night. I spoke to Vidya (from Smokechange) and stopped wearing strong ones through the night. Then I slept reasonably well.

With a newborn, there is major sleep loss anyway. In some ways it is a good time to give up because you’re focussed on other things – the baby. There are other people to worry about. You’re not just worrying about yourself. My wife needs me to do things like helping with changing the baby.

With the two girls, I knew I shouldn’t have even been cuddling them. For an hour or so after a smoke I wouldn’t go near them. I was still smoking, but I was being careful about it, like if the baby had a 2 a.m. feed, I’d have a smoke at midnight. Which is just daft, isn’t it?

I feel more determined, almost like separating myself, mentally splitting smoking off. I’m treating the addiction like a naughty child and saying ‘You can moan about it as much as you like, but you’re not getting it!’ I’m treating it like something I used to do.

Terry's Closing Words

Don’t think patches are a magic cure. You’ve got to want to be smokefree. And when you are, you get your taste buds back, have more time for your children and you’re around more. If help is on offer, accept it. Why not? You can’t really lose.