Tania
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Our daughter, Pyper, is nearly nine. We lost our second child five years ago. I’m diabetic and had to go into surgery at the time, four months pregnant. They sent someone up from Smokechange. I just passed it off.
In this pregnancy, the midwife asked ‘What about Smokechange?’ Health-wise, financially and baby-wise, everything pointed to ‘Yes.’ But stress-wise I was like ‘No!’. But I said ‘OK.’ I wasn’t really into it. I wouldn’t have made the call if she’d left it up to me. But I didn’t feel pushed.
I had a gastric bypass last May. Then five months later I fell pregnant. I have to eat more protein. I thought ‘Cheese and milk are more important than my cigarettes.’ Yet my smokes were more important than a ticket on lotto and maybe winning a million dollars.
In the first three months of pregnancy my friends told me not to stop smoking, but to cut down. At the time I thought ‘Oh cool, I’ll just keep smoking.’ I played on it. You use smoking as a crutch, like food. I felt food had been taken away with the by-pass. I felt smoking was going to be taken away, too. I feared losing another crutch. Within that three months I probably smoked more than I did before the pregnancy.
Carly rang me and sent me out patches and gum. But they made me sick. I always thought you couldn’t use these in pregnancy, but apparently you can. She’d send out information, so I’d have a cup of tea and read it. She’d ring up and say ‘How’s it going?’ and I’d pick up the phone and think ‘Oh no! Not you. I’ve just smoked more than I should have!’ She was like a conscience. But I’d just say 'Oh, not that great.’ or ‘Good.’ Even if I was still smoking she would say ‘How do we get around this or that?’ or ‘What’s going on in your life?’ She wasn’t like ‘Oh, you bad girl.’
To be honest, I didn’t really want to give up. About a quarter of me did, but the rest didn’t. She sent me lower dose patches and they made me sick as well. I thought ‘This isn’t working.’ If I can sit down and do hours and hours of artwork without having a cigarette, then why couldn’t I do this?
I started to have those inclinations to be smokefree, times where you think ‘Oh give it away.’ The crunch came one day. Carly had sent me some little patches, just the cutest little things. I had cut right down to two or three smokes a day.
Then, one day I put a little patch on. It went OK. I didn’t have any cigarettes that day. The day before I said ‘Right, I’m going to do this.’ I gave Paul all the credit cards, money, everything. The dairy is just around the corner. I figured if I don’t have the money I won’t go and buy any more.
So I had no money, I didn’t set a date, I just said ‘Right this is it. I don’t want to go buy cigarettes.’ and I put a little patch on. My friend drew a smiley face on it. I started thinking the patch was my friend not the cigarettes. When I thought of smoking, I’d rub my arm, rub my patch. I knew it was there. At first that’s all you can think about – having a smoke. I took myself away from people who smoked a lot. Paul and I told them I was giving up smoking.
There were some cigarettes in the ash tray. I rolled one, (think they call it ‘butt-rolling’). I’ve never done it in my life, I thought ‘That’s sick. Look at what I’ve become. That’s revolting.’ The little patch didn’t make me sick. She’d sent me out a few days worth to see how I went on them. So I used as many as I had, but then I stopped using the patches and I haven’t smoked since. That was four months ago.
Now, I smell fresher. I feel more likeable to my family. I go and do something else, even having a bath, that’s my time now. I know its doing me and the baby good. I’m not huffing and puffing all the time. Feels great being pregnant as well. All the little things, like Pyper not saying ‘Oh, you smell.’ If Pyper is stressing me out I won’t rush out for a smoke. There are health benefits for my husband and daughter as well. Even the plants are growing better, from not putting out cigarettes in the pots!
Having Carly ring up was a good thing. There was someone there that was thinking of you and thinking ‘I wonder how Tania’s going, with her no smoking?’ I’d say ‘Oh, I haven’t even tried this month, this week or this fortnight.’ I’d make a date to give up smoking, then I’d smoke more up to the date. The date came and something would come up and all the excuses would come out.
I go into hospital so many times and smoking irritates my conditions. Anaesthetics are a big thing. After losing weight and having a by-pass, not smoking has made a difference. Previous times when I’ve been in hospital there’s the way nurses look at you when you have to go out for a smoke. It’s lovely not doing that. Now, when people who smoke come into the ward, I think ‘Pooh! What’s that smell?’
Walking into a dairy and having all the cigarettes on the back wall, yet not buying any, is a major accomplishment for me. I used to go to Countdown just because they don’t have that.
Everyone around you impacts on you. You need good support. They have to understand it. You have to understand it. There’s only so much they can take, though, ’cause you were the one who put your first cigarette to your mouth. It seems unnatural for me to do that now, to put a cigarette to my mouth.
I’d get into this thing ‘Maybe I can be a part-time smoker. Go out. Only have one or two.’ But I can’t. If I have a puff it will lead to more. I don’t want that because I’ve come so far. I am doing it for myself now. It was for the baby. When I have the baby, why the hell would I want to start up again?
It helped not being pressured into anything, just going through the process of cut down not cut out. This has helped me get to where I am now. There is more strength now than weakness. I feel that I can do it now. It’s becoming natural.
Tania's Closing Words
I didn’t think I’d be one of those people saying ‘If I can do it, you can do it.’ I never thought I’d be doing this, sitting here telling my story! I never thought I could do it, but I did do it. No matter what’s in your life, you can do it. It can be done no matter who you are.
